


About Renjun.

by kalimark



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Recreational Drug Use, So much angst, implied depression, implied jaewoo, like mark has it but its only hinted at in one section, minor 2jun, minor ludery, minor nohyuck, not between markren though, promise its not overbearing, so much pining, this is soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-26 23:48:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20398165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalimark/pseuds/kalimark
Summary: Renjun, Mark thinks, is a lot like the moon. And if Mark thinks that he is the moon, then Renjun thinks Mark is the sun.(Or, the about sophie songfic that nobody asked for)





	About Renjun.

**Author's Note:**

> oh my god it's this has been in my drafts since fucking february. im sorry. this is my fucking baby. i love this fic so much and im so incredibly proud of it. i've worked so hard on it, please enjoy. i recommend listening to the song it's based off of, about sophie by keaton henson. you can also listen to anything else off of the dear album. i promise at least one of those songs will have you crying. 
> 
> the way that i wrote xiaojun and jaem has absolutely nothing to do with how i feel about either of them irl. i love jun and jaem so much it isnt even fair. i bias both of them so pls dont yell at me. u have no idea how hard it was to write them as cheating losers. 
> 
> thank you sar for being my beta!!! you've got no clue how reassuring you've been throughout this whole thing.

** _She’s an unwelcome shudder on the worst of her days._ **

Mark jumps at the sound of his apartment door opening and shutting with a loud thud. There’s rustling from the entryway and he’s about to get up and check if he’s being robbed when he hears a soft grunt, followed by a backpack thumping on the floor. 

_ It’s just Renjun, _ he thinks, relaxing against the couch when a mop of black hair peeks around the corner, the rubber soles of sneakers flopping down onto the hardwood. 

“ _ Stupid fucking—good for nothing—piece of shit asshole—“  _

“Well, hello to you, too.”

Renjun jumps about six feet in the air, gasping and dropping his phone with a clatter. Mark’s giggle fills the empty hundred feet of space between him and the younger boy, and Renjun’s eyes narrow into slits as he bends to pick it back up. Mark would be nervous if he were anyone else but he’s not. He’s Mark and the boy glaring at him behind a phone screen is his best friend. 

Mark is engulfed in warmth when Renjun moves to sit on top of Mark, face buried in his shoulder as he groans, the weight comforting. Another giggle finds its way into Renjun’s ears while the older boy slides a hand into soft tresses of onyx. “What’s wrong? How’d your day go?” The boy in his lap just grunts, letting himself fall further into Mark.

The older boy winces as Renjun’s shoulder digs into his chest and tries to push him to the side, just slightly to relieve the pressure, but Renjun whines, smacking Mark’s hands away. 

“I’m sad and angry, let me mope,” he mutters, the words getting trapped by the fabric of Mark’s sweatshirt. 

“Alright, you angry imp, but you have to tell me when you’re done brooding.”

Renjun hums while Mark’s long fingers card through the younger’s dark hair before they both went back to watching whatever was on the T.V. It’s quiet for the next few minutes, 45 to be exact, until Renjun finally pulls himself up.  _ He looks beautiful _ , Mark thinks as Renjun perches himself on his thighs. 

“Ready to talk?” 

“Mm.” 

The smaller boy moves to sit on the cushion next to Mark, calves slung across thighs as Renjun gets comfortable. “Well,” he begins, capturing Mark’s attention once the television’s been muted. “I asked Dejun if he wanted to meet for lunch, because you know we both have long breaks between classes, and he said he couldn’t because he had to meet up with Guanheng and Xuxi to study--which is fine, I don’t mind, no big deal. School comes first.”

There’s a pause in the story, and Mark prompts Renjun to continue with a soft, “ _ but?” _ . 

The boy rolls his eyes, groaning as his head falls into his hands. “ _ But, _ when I went to the coffee shop, I ran into Guanheng and Xuxi and when I asked them where Dejun was, they looked confused. Said they hadn’t seen him since he left that morning for his design class. He told them he was with Jaemin today--which also would have been fine if he had just told me where he was, but he--”

“But, he lied again, didn’t he?” 

Renjun looks like he wants to sink into the couch and never come back, but Mark doesn’t want him to feel like that. So, he just smiles and pats the younger on the knee. “Do you need Xuxi and I to rough him up for you? Teach him a lesson about lying?” Mark cracks his knuckles for effect and it makes Renjun laugh, sitting up. There’s an exaggerated groan from Mark when Renjun punches his arm. 

“Xuxi? Yeah. You? Not a chance, wonderboy.”

They laugh at each other and Mark absolutely melts at how Renjun’s eyes curl, how his cheeks puff out, and how the slightest indent forms next to his lips. He could watch the younger boy laugh for the rest of his life. 

After they’ve relaxed, Mark hums. “So, is that all? Or did something else happen?”

“Oh! Yeah! My stupid fucking logic professor.” Renjun’s attitude changes quickly, and if it weren’t for how long he’s known Renjun, Mark might have been concerned, might have scared. If it weren’t for how long they’d been friends, Mark thinks he’d be quite scared of Renjun. 

“I assume that’s the, and I quote, ‘_s__t_ _ upid, fucking, good-for-nothing, piece of shit asshole _ ’?”

“Yes! That son of a bitch--have you ever had a professor that just makes you so mad you want to get up and walk out, but you don’t because he’s shit at giving you the learning materials outside of the classroom so you have to sacrifice your sanity just for an A?” 

Mark nods, watching how Renjun’s lips form around each word he says. He listens to Renjun. He watches and listens as Renjun recalls how his logic professor completely embarrassed someone in his class and did it without a second thought. Renjun speaks so enthusiastically and passionately and he can feel the fire burning within those dark eyes of his. 

** _And despite the bad moods, she won’t go away._ **

“Mark? Mark, open the door. It’s me.”

There’s no answer from the other side of the door and Renjun sighs, knocking again. 

“Hyung, please open the door.” Xuxi stands behind him, along with Jeno and they watch worriedly as Renjun attempts to coax the boy out of his room. There’s still no movement, no tell-tale rustling of Mark’s blankets or thumping of heavy leaden steps coming to let them in. It’s just quiet and Xuxi lets out a heavy breath. 

Jeno tugs on the eldest’s wrist when Renjun gives them pleading eyes, a sign that they should wait in the living room. 

“Mark, I’m coming in.”

When the door opens and Renjun pops his head through the crack of the door, he finds a lump of blankets. It almost looks like no one is in the room until tufts of blonde sprout from under the furry comforter. The body doesn’t move, aside from the way Mark breathes deeply.  _ He’s asleep. _

With quiet footsteps, Renjun sneaks through the door, across the room, and to Mark’s bed that’s been pushed up against the wall in the corner. “Baby?” His hand sifts through the messy hair at the back of Mark’s head and he smiles softly when there’s finally some movement. 

“Hyung, wake up. Talk to me.” 

“Go away, Injun.”

That usual sweet, happy voice of Mark’s is nowhere to be found, replaced by one that’s sleepy yet apathetic. It sounds empty and Renjun doesn’t like it, not one bit. 

There’s a short eye roll before Renjun speaks again. “Mark, you have to talk to one of us. You know the rules. If one of us is sad, we have to talk about it.”

“Don’t wanna.” 

“Why not?”

“‘Cause.”

“That’s not an ans--”

“I just don’t fucking want to, Renjun.” And that’s that. That’s all Renjun needs before he’s walking out to the living room and Mark thinks he’s fucked up. He always fucks up, in some way or another, always too caught in his head or sad or something in between--

“Scoot.” 

Mark turns his head just barely, shocked to see Renjun standing there--well, bent. He’s sliding his jeans off, then his thick jacket so he’s left in only his t-shirt and boxers. 

“ _ Scoot over, Lee. _ ” Without a second thought, Mark turns back to the wall and moves his body towards it, making enough room on the mattress for Renjun to slip in behind him. An arm moves over Mark’s thin waist, sliding into place before locking snugly around him. Renjun is warm against his back, and he can’t help the way his heart leaps when their bodies mold together. “I’m right here,” that soft voice breathes against the nape of Mark’s neck. “It’s just a bad day, baby. You’ll be okay.”

Mark falls back asleep with slim, pretty fingers tracing shapes on his hip and stomach, puffs of minty breath falling down his spine as Mark succumbs to Renjun lulling him back to the quietness of his slumber. 

** _She's as stubborn as winter and as kind as the sun, and she won't freeze or burn anyone. _ **

“Injun, you can’t do it like that. You’re just gonna hurt yourself.” 

“Junnie, stop!”

“ _ Renjun!  _ I said knock it off!” 

The room falls silent as the two boys look at one another. Mark is sat across the room on his laptop, most likely doing his homework for one of his  _ boring  _ classes, as Renjun would put it. 

_ (“Who knew being a business major with a concentration in cybersecurity would be so boring? Oh, wait. I did!”  _ He once proclaimed in the middle of their university’s library. 

He ended up getting banned for the rest of the semester.)

“Mark, I’m literally only trying to open a can of—“

“Yeah, with a knife!” 

Renjun just rolls his eyes, setting the knife down. Mark is always scolding him for nothing. He says it’s because he just doesn’t want Renjun to get hurt, and the thought makes the younger boy’s heart swell, but sometimes Mark is so straight-laced and by-the-book that it makes him a little crazy. 

Renjun stands in front of Mark with his hands on his hips. “So,” he begins, trying to get the elder’s attention once he’s gone back typing on his laptop. Mark looks up at Renjun, mouth parted a little as he waits. “Are you going to just sit there or are you going to help me find the can opener so I can make us dinner?” 

♡

“‘Junnie?” Mark watches as Renjun visibly starts, clutching his phone to his chest so he doesn’t drop it. 

“ _ God _ , Mark, you can’t just sneak up on me like that.” The raven-haired boy huffs a laugh, running his hand through his hair. 

Mark furrows his brows as Renjun’s hand catches on the back of his neck, nails scratching nervously at the skin. “Sorry, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” The older boy’s voice is soft, almost uneasy, Renjun would dare to say. 

“Hm? Oh, I’m alright. Don’t worry about me. You want me to drive you home in a minute?” Mark was supposed to stay the night, but he doesn’t protest when he sees Renjun’s eyes glaze over. It’s not like to Renjun to cry. So, Mark nods. He nods, taking a few steps towards the younger before he’s herding him against the counter in a hug. 

Renjun breaks. He falls apart right there, and Mark is a little shocked at the sobs that fall from his lips. He’s only ever seen Renjun cry a few times, he could count the times on one hand. 

They rock from side to side, Mark’s fingers brushing through Renjun’s silky hair as he shushes him, but lets him cry at the same time. He really isn’t sure what to do. 

“What happened, ‘Jun? What’s wrong?” 

The boy in Mark’s arms doesn’t speak for a moment, doesn’t speak for several moments until he’s cried himself tired and the neck of Mark’s shirt is soaked with tears. Then, Renjun pulls back. Mark’s feels the knick in his heart at the sight of watery, red-rimmed eyes and a face dripping in snot. 

“H-He cheated.” He croaks, and Mark is taken aback. 

“What—“

“He fucking cheated on me w-with Jaemin.” 

** _On most days, she drives me home out of her way._ **

It’s silent in the car as Renjun drives Mark back to his own apartment. It’s 30 minutes away and out of the direction of where Renjun  _ actually  _ needs to be, but Renjun is nice and is willing to help when Mark needs him. 

It’s not an awkward silence, no, it never is. Mark and Renjun like to bask in the warmth of one another. Renjun is like the sun, Mark decided one day. He’s bright and beautiful and makes Mark feel warm—makes him feel  _ alive.  _ He thinks Renjun is the nicest boy he knows, too. Beside their friend Jaemin, of course. Renjun is nice in a different way. 

Mark thinks about a night a few weeks ago when they’d been venturing around the downtown area and had run into a lost dog; scared and alone and growling at anyone who got close. 

Renjun paid no mind to that as he let go of the sleeve of Mark’s jacket to make his way towards the nervous ball of fur that was barking at anything that moved. There’s a piece of pretzel in his fingers as he moves towards the dog who shakes on her legs. 

“ _ Renjun, don’t--“  _

_ “Shh, shut up, Mark!” _

Renjun kneels a good distance away from the animal, listening to it growl and yap. He breaks the piece of pretzel and tosses it between them. The dog quietens and looks at Renjun. Mark is also looking at him, both him and the dog curious about the black-haired boy. 

_ “Go on, take it. It’s for you.”]  _ Renjun speaks so softly, in a way Mark’s only ever heard when he’s comforting his friends.  _ “Go ahead, girl.”  _

Fuzzy paws move forward as the dog sniffs the piece, eyeing Renjun and Mark the entire time. She licks it once, testing to see if anyone’s going to try and take it. She licks it again for good measure, and then a third time for herself with her eyes down. 

Renjun waits patiently the whole time. 

Finally, the dog takes the pretzel into her mouth and nearly swallows it whole, like she hasn’t eaten in days. 

Another piece is thrown, then another, and another until Renjun is somehow able to feed her out of his own palm. There’s a bright, beaming smile on his face when he reaches his elbow out to pet her and she lets him.  _ “Good girl, good girl! You were starving, huh?” _

Mark just watches on with wide eyes as Renjun is able to reach for the tag on her collar, checking for a phone number. 

_ “Sunnie. Cute. Why don’t we call your owner, hm?” _

Two hours pass from the call and Renjun is returning the dog to her owners and rejecting a two-hundred-dollar reward.  _ “Really, keep it, use it for the vet. She seems a little malnourished,”  _ he’d insisted and Mark is a little shocked when Renjun returns to his side like nothing had happened. 

Yeah, Renjun is nice in a different way. 

Jaemin doesn’t hold Mark’s hand when he’s getting a new tattoo. Jaemin doesn’t brush the hair out of Mark’s face when he’s shitfaced and vomiting into the toilet at 3 A.M. after they decided to crash a frat party. And Jaemin  _ definitely  _ doesn’t drive Mark 30 minutes in the opposite direction even after getting told his boyfriend is cheating on him with that nice friend. 

“‘Junnie, you really didn’t have to. I could’ve gotten an—“

“—An uber, I know. I just… I wanted to be with you a little longer. I need—I want—“ Renjun cuts Mark off quite a lot but he’s grown used to it. Renjun thinks in his own way and speaks when he wants to, not necessarily when he needs to. Mark thinks it’s a bit endearing. 

He’s silent, then he’s sniffling and Mark frowns, turning to look at his friend. He doesn’t say anything, though, knowing it best to wait for Renjun to get his words out. 

“I just wanted you to get home safe, Mark.”

And that was that, until they pulled into Mark’s apartment complex. Renjun rolls his window down and Mark leans down against it, bringing a hand to wipe away the tear stains on Renjun’s cheeks. The younger boy pulls a face, nose scrunching before they laugh at one another. 

“No boy is worth your tears, Injun. Especially a boy that I’ve been telling you to dump for months.” 

Renjun shoves Mark’s face away, rolling his eyes. “Yes, thank you, Mark. You always know just how to cheer me up.” There is no real bite to Renjun’s words and there’s a twitch of a smile on his pretty, pink lips. 

“It’s what I’m here for, ‘Jun.”

** _And when I say “drive safe”, I mean it today._ **

“Get home safe, no reckless driving, no texting while driving, and under no circumstances, what so ever, no  _ crying _ while driving, okay? I mean it. Call me when you get home.” 

Renjun smiles, a genuine, heartwarming smile as he grabs for Mark’s shirt and pulls him down to kiss his cheek. “Thank you,” he whispers against his skin, before pushing him back again. “Now go, do your boring assignment for your boring business class for your boring major. I’ll call you later.” 

And like that, he’s gone, calling Mark later that night with tears in his voice as he tells him that he and Dejun are no longer together and that he and Jaemin are no longer friends. 

  
  
  


** _Her car's like a sauna made mostly of smoke, and it glides back to her’s most late nights like a ghost._ **

One thing Mark notices is how giggly Renjun gets when he’s high. His eyes are glazed and sparkly and Mark thinks he looks absolutely beautiful at one in the morning, high as a kite in the backseat of his car. Smoke fills the cramped space, and Mark’s glad that Renjun knows the right place to park his car so that they won’t be noticed. 

“It’s so fucking hot in here, ‘Jun,” Mark groans, shrugging off his jacket. 

Renjun just laughs, a lazy, dope-filled smile on his face as he helps Mark take his sweatshirt off with heavy limbs. “We can’t  _ hotbox _ if the car isn’t  _ hot,  _ Mark.” Renjun states it like it’s obvious, leaning back against the door of the car with an eyebrow raised. Mark is absolutely stunned. 

Renjun looks  _ beautiful. _ He’s wearing Mark’s shirt, one that hangs off of the smaller boy’s shoulders and makes him look like a Baroque painting. It looks like Vermeer has slathered color onto a canvas and created Renjun from nothing. 

“That’s… Renjun that’s not h-how…” Mark’s words are forgotten in his throat when Renjun begins to crawl into Mark’s lap, sitting pretty on top of him. He’s quick to move so he’s able to support the boy on his legs. Slim fingers stroke at Mark’s collarbones, tracing the ink dotting his skin.

Mark  _ knows  _ that Renjun doesn’t do this when he’s high. He  _ knows  _ that Renjun doesn’t get touchy like this, especially not with him. He hasn’t been touchy for months now, not after the situation with his ex-boyfriend and ex-best friend. 

Mark’s voice comes out quiet as he rests his hands around Renjun’s rib cage. “What… What are you doing, ‘Jun?” 

The boy in his lap takes a breath, eyes closed as he leans his forehead down against Mark’s own. He’s breathing heavily, and he seems a little startled at his own actions. Almost like he’s on autopilot. 

“I don’t really know… Do you want me to stop?” 

Mark snorts to himself, fingers tracing shapes into Renjun’s slim, lithe figure. He silently wishes his hands were bigger so he could wrap his fingers around Renjun and almost encapsulate him in himself. “Do you want to stop?” 

Renjun grunts, reaching to grasp the hair at Mark's nape. “I’m serious, Mark. Do you want me to get off?” His pretty eyes are still closed but he’s breathing heavy and his left hand has started to trail down his chest, stopping above the waistband of his sweatpants. 

“Please keep going,” he pants, leaning up to attach his lips to Renjun’s. His lips feel like two rose petals, soft and smooth against Mark’s own. Mark can feel Renjun smirking, nipping at his bottom lip and tugging, eliciting a soft whine from Mark that only makes Renjun’s smirk grow. 

Hands get lost between clothes, clothes get strewn around the car, breaths tangle between hurried kisses, and Mark stops only for a moment, pushing Renjun away while somehow managing to hold onto him for dear life. There’s a sachet of lube thrown haphazardly onto the floorboard and condom wrapper in between Renjun’s fingers that he tosses into the front seat. 

Mark’s back sticks to the leather of Renjun’s seat with sweat as he looks up. 

Renjun’s mouth is red and wet, lips swollen and bruised from kissing so hard. He looks absolutely stunning like this, panting and blushed and hazy eyed. Mark doesn’t know at this point if it’s because of the weed or because of what’s about to happen. 

“A-Are we really about to do this?” he breathes. The younger boy hums, bringing his hand down to Mark’s cheek. He’s straddling Mark’s waist and it takes everything in Mark not to buck his hips up. A warm thumb strokes the apple of Mark’s cheek.

Renjun says, “I think so,” in a voice that is so sweet, so sultry, and so Renjun that Mark thinks he’s going to bust one right there. “I want to.”

The next hour and a half is a flurry. It’s a fuzzy, hazy grouping of blurry images that Mark doesn’t think he’ll ever forget. He doesn’t think he could ever forget the way Renjun laughed when they knocked their heads together, or how Renjun gasped as he first sunk down onto him. He can’t forget the way purple bruises look on Renjun’s skin, or the way Renjun’s fingers pressed their own little blooming flowers into Mark’s ribs. 

He can’t forget his first time being with someone like that. Someone like  _ Renjun.  _

Said boy is currently laying on top of Mark’s chest, his cheek pressed to Mark’s sweat-slick skin as they catch their breaths. His hair tickles Mark’s nose every time he breathes in and his back rises and falls with every shuddered breath he takes in. Mark takes the time to drag his fingers along the knobs of Renjun’s spine in time with the warm thumb that strokes his cheek. He counts each one, 33 in total. 

The windows have fogged up and the smoke has dispersed and all Mark can smell—all he can  _ feel _ —is RenjunRenjun _ Renjun _ . He’s wrapped up in him and he wants nothing more than to stay this way. He’s  _ wanted  _ nothing more than to be this way with Renjun. 

The moment is broken when Renjun pushes himself up, hands splaying out over Mark’s chest. He’s still got red cheeks and lights in his eyes when he looks beneath him. His lips tug upwards into a pretty, little smile. 

“Hi,” Renjun whispers, leaving soft kisses to Mark’s sternum, right over the Death’s-Head Hawkmoth he’d gotten tattooed a few weeks ago. Renjun told him that was his favorite so far. “We should head back. Jeno’ll start to worry.” Mark holds back a groan as he rubs his palm over his face. 

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

Their attempts at redressing are less than graceful, Mark jamming his toe against a coin jar under Renjun’s seat, and Renjun smacking his head against the window when he tries to get his jeans back on. Eventually, they settle back up front and Renjun is driving down 275 back towards his apartment. The ride is quiet, mostly filled with whatever plays from the radio and Renjun’s soft singing whenever he knows a song that comes on. 

They don’t need to talk, they never do. They’re comfortable just being together and letting the skyline of downtown pass them by. They only speak when they need to and Mark thinks that’s why he and Renjun work so well. There’s never anything awkward, not even after fucking in the backseat of the younger boy’s car. 

There is, however, something burning in the back of Mark’s throat. He wants to tell Renjun what that meant to him, what  _ Renjun  _ means to him, but he holds it back, not wanting to ruin whatever it is they’ve got going at the moment. 

What  _ do  _ they have at the moment?

If Mark were to ask Renjun, he’s almost certain he’d just shrug and brush it off, telling him, ‘_it's nothing’_, or that _‘we were just messing around, Mark’_, things he’s heard Renjun say to countless boys who’d wanted to take him home night after night. That’s what he’d first told Dejun before Dejun was staying at Renjun’s more than someone he was _just_ _messing around with _should.

Mark’s chest tightens at the thought of Renjun blowing him off, but he keeps his mouth shut, only speaking again when they’re in Renjun’s apartment. 

Mark sits on the couch, shoes lost by the front door as Renjun moves around the apartment, probably trying to make something for the two of them, when Jeno comes slinking down the hall, a pretty boy on his arm. Mark recognizes the auburn-haired boy as Donghyuck, from his Poetry II class. He wasn’t much of a writer, but he was nice to look at. Jeno nods at Mark in acknowledgment and Mark smiles back.

“Hi, Mark, right?” Donghyuck says, letting go of Jeno to sit next to Mark on the couch. He’s dressed in one of Jeno’s sweatshirts, keeping the hood pulled up. Mark starts putting two and two together and soon it clicks as to why Renjun got kicked out of the apartment. Renjun was sexiled. Though, they can’t say much either, Mark knowing well enough that they would have done the same to Jeno and Donghyuck. 

The eldest can’t help but eye the dark marks painting the sunkissed boy’s neck. He hopes Jeno can’t see the ones marring Renjun’s own skin. 

“Yeah, you’re Donghyuck. We have Poetry together.” Donghyuck smiles at Mark and he thinks Donghyuck could rival Renjun for the sun. He looks to the kitchen, when Renjun is laughing with Jeno, a pair of chopsticks in his hand as he makes what Mark assumes is ramen. 

Donghyuck may rival Renjun, but Renjun still wins, Mark thinks as Renjun leans against the counter, still laughing wholeheartedly at whatever Jeno’s said. His eyes are curled up, crinkling at the corners. His nose scrunches up and his mouth is open in a wide smile. The noise that escapes is better than the noises he made in the car. It’s loud and full and Mark’s stomach flips at the sound of Renjun laughing. 

“-Mark?”

“Huh? I’m sorry, what were you saying, Donghyuck?” Mark feels his face flush when he looks Donghyuck in the eye, the younger boy smirking at him. He doesn’t like the way Donghyuck looks at him, like he knows something Mark doesn’t. 

“I was just asking how you knew Renjun and Jeno,” Donghyuck repeats, his own eyes flickering towards the two boys standing in the kitchen. Renjun is pouring the seasoning into the noodles while Jeno tries (and fails) to rub vanilla frosting on the elder’s cheek. Where Jeno got the tub from, Mark doesn’t know. What he does know, however, is that Renjun is incredibly cute when he pouts. 

There’s a whined out  _ “not fair!” _ that slips from Renjun’s lips when Jeno succeeds and Mark takes the opportunity to giggle a little at the sight, catching Renjun’s attention. Mark’s breath catches in the back of his throat when he locks eyes with him. 

“Just… Through some mutual friends.”

  
  


** _And nothing is said unless it needs to be. I’ll watch a movie, she’ll fall asleep._ **

“Wanna watch a movie? I think Jeno rented  _ Infinity War _ .” Hours have passed and the blue numbers on the cable box read 1:27. Jeno and Donghyuck retreated back to Jeno’s room after they’d all shared the food Renjun had made and then some. 

Mark hums, pulling his legs up to get comfortable. “Yeah, why not?” Renjun flickers through the movies from the On-Demand screen, before landing on the right one. “Lights on or off?” 

“Off!” 

Mark reaches behind himself to hit the light, switching it off. Bathed only in the backlighting of the television, Mark still thinks Renjun looks beautiful. He probably always will. 

Renjun looks especially beautiful when he’s drenched in red light. Something about the way it lights up his skin makes Mark’s own prickle with goosebumps and the hairs on his neck stand on end. 

They settle into each other, like a usual Saturday night. Renjun is leaned up against the side of the couch with his legs stretched out onto Mark’s lap, while Mark sits with his legs out on the coffee table. Normally, Renjun would scold Mark for it, saying that his feet are nasty and proclaiming, “ _ we eat on that table! Get your nasty ass feet down!" _ , but Renjun doesn’t say anything. He lets Mark lay his hand out over his shin, stroking the skin every time something interesting happens in the movie. He can tell something’s wrong. 

Renjun can always tell. Mark isn’t exactly subtle when he’s feeling troubled and Renjun has known him for long enough now that he likes to think he can read Mark like his favorite book. 

Mark might be Renjun’s favorite book if he’s being honest. As much as he’d like to open him up and read him for the thousandth time in his lifetime, he knows it is better to wait for the older boy to tell him himself. So he does. 

Renjun waits as patiently as he can for the next hour and four minutes, all the way up until Tony Stark and Doctor Strange go at it. Then, he decides, he can’t wait any longer. 

“Oh, my God, Mark. Spill it.” The sudden break in silence startles Mark, and his hand stills where it’s sat on Renjun’s leg. 

“What? Spill what?” 

“Whatever’s eating at you. You’re not paying attention to the movie, you’re scratching my leg without realizing, and you barely said three words to Jeno the entire time he was out here. So, tell me. What’s wrong?” Renjun has moved his legs from Mark’s lap and now sits criss-cross, moving closer to lean his chin on his hand. 

** _She’s one of those who when you’re talking you’ll see._ **

Mark thinks Renjun is really pretty. Like,  _ really  _ pretty. Maybe he isn’t the sun, after all. Renjun’s… He’s like the moon. He’s got stars in his eyes, not lights. His hair is the color of night and he comes alive once the sun goes down. Mark thinks Renjun is the moon, stringing all of the stars in the sky and making a path for all those who wander after the sun has gone. Renjun is the light that shines in through Mark’s window at 4 A.M. when he can’t close his eyes and get some sleep. He’s what keeps him company when he’s wide awake, hours before the sun comes up. 

Mark exhales sharply and it makes Renjun a little nervous, especially when Mark looks away with cheeks tinged a shade or two darker than their natural pink. 

“You were my first.”

** _She’s really listening to someone like me._ **

It’s out there, Mark thinks. It’s out there, and I can’t take it back. 

It’s quiet for a moment. Then two. Then three and Mark is getting worried until he turns his head to see Renjun smiling at him. It’s not a sad smile, thankfully, but it’s not exactly a bright, shiny, toothy grin like he’s used to seeing. 

“Can you please say something? I’m feeling like an extreme loser right about now,” Mark moans into his hands, hiding his face from Renjun. He jumps at Renjun’s giggle, hunching in on himself. 

“Mark, you  _ are _ a loser--”

“--Gee, thanks ‘Jun--”

“-- _ But _ !”

Mark stops talking and turns to look at Renjun again. That little smile still remains on his lips. 

“You’re not a loser for that being your first time, Mark. If anything, I’m really happy that I was your first…” 

It gets quiet again, and Mark has to swallow the knot in his throat. 

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Renjun’s voice is softer this time as he continues, the movie now forgotten. It becomes background noise, fading in and out as Mark watches Renjun scoot closer and lay his hand on Mark’s bicep. 

“I… I-I thought… I didn’t want you to laugh at me,” Mark says honestly. Renjun laughs, but it sounds a little like a scoff and it takes everything in Mark to not flinch at the noise. 

“So, you thought I’d laugh at you?” Mark avoids Renjun’s eyes, feeling his cheeks warm up. He knows he’s flushed red and he knows that Renjun is watching him. He can feel the heat from those starry eyes sitting next to him. “Mark, look at me.” 

He takes a chance glance, deciding that he can’t look at the boy next to him. He’s too scared. His eyes stay locked on his lap, the loose thread on his sweats suddenly seeming much,  _ much _ more interesting than the raven-haired boy next to him. 

Until that pretty, raven-haired boy next to him grabs his chin and forces his head to turn. Something in Mark heats up and he finds himself feeling shaky when they meet eyes again. Renjun’s eyes, those pretty _ , pretty  _ eyes are soft around the edges, a furrow between two shaped brows and Mark feels like curling in on himself. 

“How long have you known me, Mark Lee?” And Mark has to think for a moment. He’s known Renjun for most of his life. Over half of his life has been spent in the company of Huang Renjun. 

Mark gulps. “Thirteen years.” 

Thirteen years that Mark has known Renjun. Ten of those he’s spent as his best friend and seven of those he’s spent in love with him. 

“Thirteen years, you dumb boy. I think you know me well enough now to know I’d never, ever laugh at you about something like that. Jeno? Yeah, maybe, but not you. Never you.”

_ Never you. _

_ Never you. Never you. Never you. _

Mark blinks, he shuts his eyes tight as he yanks his chin out of Renjun’s grasp, the room feeling too hot. He just wants to stop thinking about how he nearly told Renjun he loved him while the younger was on top of him. 

_ I love you, I love you, I’m in love with you, you feel so good.  _

It was right there, resting on the tip of his tongue, words like a bullet ready to be shot by a set of trigger happy lips. 

“Mark?” 

“Okay,” Mark breathes, breathless. “I’m sorry. Can we just…” The older boy fidgets in his seat, wanting for once for Renjun to be further away from him. His skin feels like it's on fire and he can feel himself ready to do something stupid. “Let’s finish the movie?” 

Mark, finally, looks at Renjun and feels his heart cinch in his chest cavity when he notices the hurt dancing through starry eyes and Mark finds himself wanting to kiss the hurt away. 

“Um, yeah. I… Uh, okay. You can finish, I think I’m gonna head to bed…” Mark’s heart is cracking with each movement Renjun makes. The sound of Renjun’s door shutting shatters it. 

** _Why was she listening to someone like me?_ **

_ He never shuts the door on him.  _

** _‘Cause I’m a tough, shit friend. _ **

It’s been two weeks since Renjun had shut Mark out of his room. It’s been two weeks since Renjun had been Mark’s first. Two weeks since they’ve spoken face to face. 

Renjun still drives Mark to his apartment after classes, he always will. And Mark always tells Renjun to drive safely. It’s their thing. Mark texts Renjun a time and place and Renjun meets him there, waiting in his car for Mark. 

Renjun drives thirty minutes in the opposite direction and then thirty minutes back just to make sure Mark makes it home okay. But, no more words are spoken than necessary. No small talk is made, and normally that wouldn’t bother the older boy, but he doesn’t like when he knows it’s because there's an awkward tension in the air.

Mark doesn’t know why he’s trying to avoid Renjun at every possible cost. Renjun is his best friend. Renjun has  _ been  _ his best friend for years and it’s a little stupid that’s he’s avoiding him because of something  _ he _ did but it’s because he did it that he’s avoiding him. It’s completely different from how Mark usually is and Donghyuck and Jeno don’t hesitate to tell him that. 

It’s nine o’clock on a Friday night and Jeno had invited Mark over for take-out, promising him that Renjun was out with Xuxi, most likely bar hopping and getting trashed. 

Donghyuck is sitting with his legs over Jeno’s lap, much like Renjun had been sitting with Mark two weeks, three days, and seven hours ago. He tries to keep his eyes away from the way Jeno rests his palm over Donghyuck’s thigh, stroking his thumb back and forth. 

“I really wish you’d just talk to him, Mark.” Jeno speaks like Mark is going to crumble with his words.

“You know I can’t.” 

“Why can’t you?”

“I… I just can’t.” 

Donghyuck snorts, grabbing both Mark and Jeno’s attention. “That’s bullshit, Mark, and you know it. Jeno told me that you two got in a fight when you moved into your apartment and you were knocking on his dorm room door less than two hours later, demanding you talk.” Donghyuck sounds sure of himself; so sure that it makes Mark’s skin crawl. It’s like the smirk he wore. He knew something. 

“That was different-”

“How was that different? Renjun is your friend, just like Jeno.”

Mark sighs heavily through his nostrils, bringing a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Because I wasn’t in l-”

The boy gets cut off by the jingling of keys and the sound of the lock being turned. There’s a slam against the door and then the pop of paint-coated wood unsticking from itself. Renjun walks through the threshold, umbrella in hand as he shakes the raindrops from his hair. The skin of his cheeks are red and his hands shiver. 

“Sorry to interrupt, Xuxi had something to do last minute. I already ate so don’t worry about me- Mark?” The room falls silent as Renjun’s eyes - those starry, starry eyes - fall onto Mark’s form. The oldest in the room takes a second to drag his eyes up and down Renjun’s figure. 

It’s been two weeks, three days, seven hours since Mark has been in a space that isn’t Renjun’s car with him. 

He wears a raincoat, black and somehow dry despite the downpour outside. When the younger boy pops the buttons on his coat and shrugs it off, Mark tries not to wince when he notices the sweatshirt beneath. It’s his gray hoodie that says  **UTAH** in big, bold letters. The coat gets hung on the hook next to the door and Renjun moves further into the apartment, closer to his bedroom. 

“I’m just gonna be in my room. If you need me… Don’t.” says Renjun, the door to his room slamming shut before anyone else can get a word in. 

Donghyuck groans, rubbing his eyes like he’s got a tension headache. He breathes out a quiet “ _ oh, my god _ ”, Jeno chuckling before he stands from the couch, moving Donghyuck’s legs off his lap. There’s a small, indignant squawk as the youngest boy stares Jeno down. Jeno’s hand is outstretched towards Donghyuck and he gives him that million-kilowatt smile. Mark can’t miss the way Donghyuck’s eyes light up and turn into little hearts as he takes the proffered palm in his own.

“We’re going to bed,” the black-haired boy starts, catching Mark’s attention away from their hands. “Talk to him.” Jeno looks serious, for once. It almost makes Mark’s skin crawl, especially when the auburn-haired boy behind him looks pointedly from Mark, then to Renjun’s door. 

It’s quiet as he sits in the living room, the click of a lock sliding into place being the only sound before silence falls.  _ Great _ , Mark thinks. He looks at the blue numbers on the cable box and sighs, running a hand through his messy hair. 

“Fuck,” mutters Mark, letting out a harsh puff of air before he pushes himself off of the couch. He doesn’t want to move to Renjun’s door, he really doesn’t, but his feet can’t seem to stop themselves and in three seconds he finds his gaze falling on the sign the younger boy has posted. 

**Please do not knock. Instead, please yell “DING DONG” and we will be with you in a moment.**

**Thank you, Renjun and Mark.**

Mark huffs a laugh, remembering when they’d bought the whiteboard and they’d come up with the stupid idea. Renjun’s face had lit up when Mark showed him the words, snorting loudly. 

“ _ God, you’re so unfunny it almost hurts, _ ” Renjun had told him, immediately sticking the whiteboard to the tapes hung on the door. 

“ _ You’re still hanging it, and you didn’t change it, so I must be a  _ little _ funny. _ ”

Mark waits, debating on whether or not he should really do this. Shaking his head, he sighs out. “Ding dong.” 

There’s silence for a moment, and Mark almost decides on walking out and calling for a cab home.  _ Almost.  _ His attention is caught by the rustling coming from the other side of the door and a sniffle, then a soft  _ “hold on” _ before the white, wooden door is opened and Renjun stands in front of the older boy. His eyes are glassy, his hair is ruffled, and he’s still wearing Mark’s sweatshirt only this time, without pants. Mark’s mouth feels dry. 

“What do you want?” The way Renjun says it is soft, his lips curling around the words in a way that has Mark completely enraptured. Renjun’s lips look soft and Mark has to force himself to look up at the boy’s eyes. 

Mark swallows. “Can we, uh… Can I talk to you, Junnie?”

“We’re talking right now.” Mark winces as Renjun’s voice turns hard, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. 

“Injun, please,” he tries, his voice barely above a whisper. He can’t help but let his eyes trail around the redness rimming the younger’s eyes and the way his throat sounds thick with tears. 

Renjun sighs through his nose before stepping back to let Mark in. “Yeah, we can talk.”

Mark slips into the small room, beelining for Renjun’s bed. There’s a heavy weight in the room, and it pushes down on Mark’s chest, on his shoulders, and on his heart. When he sits, he feels himself sinking into the mattress and he can’t help but want for the mattress to swallow him whole. 

The click of the door shutting and the sound of padded footsteps on carpet catch Mark’s attention and so does the squeak of Renjun’s desk chair as he sits across the room from him. “So,” the younger boy prompts. “Talk.” 

Renjun’s stare burns into Mark’s chest as he takes a breath in, running his fingers through his hair as he squirms. He doesn’t like feeling scrutinized and right now, that’s all he feels. 

Mark feels like the room is 200 degrees and tugs at his collar. 

“I… Guess I should explain why I was avoiding you? Or why I pushed you off the way I did?” 

Renjun just hums, still looking at Mark expectantly. 

“I--Right. Okay.” The older boy scratches at the back of his neck, feeling his hands shake. “So, you remember how I told you that you were my first?”

“Yes, but, what does that have to do--“

“That… That night--those moments--meant so much to me. More than I could ever begin to explain.  _ You _ mean more to me. You’re my best friend, Renjun. I’ve got your drawings inked on my skin, I’ve got a drawer full of your clothes at my place, and I’ve spent nearly every single day with you for the past seven years.

“When you were on top of me,” Mark takes a second to wet his lips, squeezing his eyes shut tight at the memory of Renjun flushed and sweaty with those pretty moonlit eyes staring down at him. He digs the heels of his palms into his eyes. “ _ God _ , Renjun,  _ Jesus fucking Christ _ . I wanted to tell you how much I fucking love you. How helplessly in love with you I have been for the last seven fucking years but I didn’t know  _ how.  _ I just couldn’t--I didn’t--“

Mark is interrupted by a warm palm on his cheek, one that brings him back down from the dark cloud he had been on for the last two weeks. He’s scared, more so than he’s ever been before and Renjun can tell by the way a tear slips down Mark’s sculpted cheekbone, because for the handful of times that Renjun’s cried, Mark has cried less. 

“Look at me.”

** _And I reckon she’ll stay with me ‘til the end._ **

Mark chances a glance and finds Renjun leaning between parted legs. It’s close,  _ Renjun  _ is close. The older boy can feel the warmth of Renjun’s breath on his face and he thinks that if he leaned forward a little, he might just be able to plant his lips on the other’s. 

Renjun laughs a soft, quiet laugh. It’s more like a huff of shaky air if Mark’s being honest. “You avoided any sort of conversation with me for nearly three weeks because you’re in love with me? What the fuck, Mark.” There’s no malice or venom in the way Renjun says those words and Mark feels the heavy stone in his chest start to roll. “You stupid boy.”

“I’m sorry, Injun. I’m sorry.” And he is. Mark has never felt more awful in his entire life and he once punched Xuxi in the face on accident while piss-drunk. Mark apologized for an entire month for that.

It’s soft, what Renjun does next. Gentle fingers wrap around the back of Mark’s neck as the older boy is pulled forward to rest his face in the crook of a warm neck. The dam breaks. 

All Mark can hear is the sound of Renjun’s pulse thrumming loudly in his ear as the younger laces and tangles his fingers through Mark’s hair which looks like it hasn’t been brushed in days. 

** _And it means more than I pretend._ **

They sit in silence for a few moments (aside from the loud sobs Mark lets out into gray cotton), and it feels just like it did before Mark decided to avoid his problems for the sake of self-preservation. 

“No more hiding things from me, Mark. No more.” 

Mark is clutching onto Renjun’s-- _ Mark’s-- _ sweater, trying his hardest to pull him closer, closer,  _ closer _ , scared that Renjun will run away or tell him to leave. Renjun holding him like this, letting him cry and blubber and shake like a mess, is all Mark could ever ask for and he’s glad, honored even, that Renjun is still letting him bask in the younger’s embrace. 

“N-No more. Promise,” comes the stuttered reply, Mark pulling back to wipe the snot dripping from his nose on the back of his arm. Renjun makes a face but doesn’t say anything. 

** _And I know I’m awful, I can’t even cry._ **

“I’m sorry, Renjun. I’m sorry.” 

“What are you sorry for, baby?” 

“For being the worst. You deserve better. You deserve someone who can be open about how they feel and someone who can fucking cry without turning tail the minute they get that weird feeling in their nose. You deserve someone who can cry and not be sorry about crying. Someone who wants to be loved and love back. You deserve someone you’re in love with.” 

Renjun’s brows furrow as he holds onto Mark’s face with both hands. The red rimming the older boy’s eyes only make him look prettier. Where Mark thinks Renjun is the moon, Renjun looks at Mark like he’s the sun. 

He’s the warmth shining down on you on a cold day when you’re taking a walk in the park. Mark is the light that lets the flowers bloom and peeks through the leaves of a great, big oak tree. There’s a glimmer of light in Mark’s eyes when he smiles, and his smile could make the birds sing. 

There’s a warm puff of air against Mark’s face as Renjun moves their faces closer together, thumbs moving to wipe away the crystalline tears falling from the older boy’s eyes. Renjun feels his chest constrict as pretty, sunshine eyes squeeze shut, Mark sniffling before more tears drip down his cheeks. 

** _It’s about time I told her and looked in her eyes. _ **

“Mark.” 

Without hesitation, said boy’s eyes flutter open, glassy and tired. Mark feels his body weighing down, just wanting to go to sleep. He can’t bear the thought of Renjun being this sweet to him before he rejects him. He knows that Renjun would never leave him, would never let him flounder and would never, ever let this affect their friendship. That’s what the rational part of Mark’s brain tells him, especially when he locks eyes with Renjun. Mark can see the sincerity the younger boy’s eyes hold and his breath gets caught in his throat. 

“It’s about time I told you, huh?” 

Instead of heartbroken, Mark just feels confused. He flinches when Renjun chuckles and brings a thumb to smooth out the furrow between his brows. “Tell me what?” He asks, voice weak and on the brink of cracking. 

Renjun just smiles, leaning his forehead against Mark’s. The raven-haired boy lays his hands on Mark’s cheeks, allowing the elder to lean into them, eyes fluttering. The tickle of Mark’s eyelashes against Renjun’s cheeks makes the latter smile. 

“Do you remember when we were in high school, and you were stressed because you had no one to go to prom with?” 

“Y-Yeah, but what does that-”

“Stop it, don’t interrupt me. You told Xuxi that you wanted to ask someone but everyone you wanted to ask was already going with someone else. I was  _ so _ upset when you asked Jungwoo, but I was even more upset when he said no. So, I offered to go with you. You looked so handsome in your suit and I wanted to kiss you so, so bad all night, Mark. But, I didn’t. I didn’t think you’d want that- that you’d want  _ me. _ ” 

“Renjun, I’ve wanted you for so long, longer than you know.” 

Their breaths mingle, both of their eyes closed as they sit together, just taking it all in. 

“I love you, Mark.” The words take a second to process, rendering the older boy speechless. He never thought that he’d tell Renjun about how he felt, and he never once thought in his wildest dreams that the other would ever reciprocate those feelings. “I love you. Even if you have a hard time dealing with your emotions. I love you oh, so much, you dumb boy.” 

Soft lips meet in the warmest kiss either of the boys had ever experienced. Renjun’s hands remain on Mark’s face as the other’s larger ones find solace in the dip of Renjun’s back. The heat seeps through the fabric, warming the younger boy’s skin. 

Renjun moves closer, taking a chance to climb on top of Mark, straddling his lap as he tilts the elder’s head back to get better access to petal-soft lips and a sweet tongue that tasted of watermelon candies. Mark lets out a soft sigh, leaning further into Renjun while simultaneously pulling him in further. 

When they part, their foreheads remain pressed together. It’s silent, aside from their panting breaths. It’s always silent, and Mark doesn’t think he’d prefer it any other way. 

** _You’re my best friend, I love you, ‘til one of us dies._ **

“God, thank  _ fuck _ !”

“It’s about time!”

“Who confessed to who?” 

Mark and Renjun sit idly, watching with big smiles on their faces as Guanheng and Xuxi’s faces burn with bright red blushes. Xuxi’s got a hand resting on Guanheng’s knee and Guanheng has his fingers wrapped around Xuxi’s stupidly long ones. They can’t stop smiling either and Renjun can’t stop the coo that escapes him when Guanheng kisses Xuxi’s cheek and the larger boy’s face burns bright like a tomato. 

“We’re extremely happy for you guys,” is what Mark says when their food comes. He thanks the waitress with a soft smile before turning his attention back to his friends. 

Mark’s never felt love quite like this. His best friend is sitting next to him, holding his hand underneath the table while eight boys squeeze themselves into a small, round booth in the corner of the diner they frequent. 

The older boy takes a moment to look around the table. There’s the senior from his anthropology class, Jaehyun, laughing loudly as his boyfriend Jungwoo says something that cracks up the table. Next to Jungwoo is Sicheng, a Chinese boy who’s living abroad for the next few semesters. He was quiet at first when Jaehyun introduced him to Mark, quite aloof and having eyes that seemed to judge whomever they looked upon. He’s found himself a home with the rest of them, though, and has taken a particular liking to Renjun, Xuxi, and Guanheng. Mark doesn’t miss the way Sicheng’s eyes linger over Jaehyun and Jungwoo, though, almost like how Mark used to look at Renjun. Lastly, there’s a boy next to Renjun, the newest addition to their little group, Yangyang. He’s got an attitude to match Renjun’s and the two were instantly attached when Yangyang’s first words to Mark were “ _ holy shit your head is big _ ”.

Yeah, Mark doesn’t think he’s ever been quite this happy. 

He’s broken from his moment of reflection, though, when Renjun tugs on his arm, bringing him back to the conversations happening around the table. Guanheng is recalling the story about how Xuxi confessed to him while blackout drunk, half asleep in his bed. It was slurred and a little incoherent but it got the point across regardless. 

“Look who just walked in,” Renjun whispers to his boyfriend. The smaller hand in his tightens, before moving to rest on Mark’s knee, squeezing. The elder sits up a little, craning his neck to see Dejun and Jaemin walking through the diner’s door. Jaemin hasn’t noticed the group of boys but Dejun has and he looks away sheepishly. Mark winces when Renjun tightens his grip. 

“‘Junnie, you alright?” Both boys turn their heads to face Sicheng, whose eyebrows are furrowed with worry. Renjun just nods, smiling softly. He says something in Mandarin but Mark only makes out the soft “ _ gege _ ” that comes after. 

Mark notices Xuxi going quiet along with the squeaking of a shitty leather bench and Mark can only assume that Dejun and Jaemin are sitting a few tables behind them. He’s proven right when he hears Dejun mumble a soft “Renjun?”. The boy in question shuts his eyes tight and hopes that he can concentrate enough to disappear. 

_ He can’t]. _

“Renjun, hey.” This time it’s Jaemin, and he’s much closer to them than he was before. Jaemin stands right next to their table, his hands folded together as he rocks back and forth on his heels. He smiles softly and Mark can feel Renjun tensing next to him. 

“Jaemin,” the black-haired boy acknowledges, a curt nod being the only thing Renjun gives him. There is no smile, no moonlight or stars in his eyes, especially when Dejun comes to stand next to him. In fact, Renjun just scoots closer to Mark. The older boy knows it isn’t out of fear or anything like that, but out of sheer discomfort. Xuxi’s eyeing Dejun like he’s ready to charge him at any minute and Mark is glaring daggers at Jaemin while the rest of the boys sit, watching curiously. It’s almost like Jaemin doesn’t notice the way he’s being perused. Or, if he does, he’s choosing to ignore it. 

“How have you been?” 

Renjun is straight to the point. “Jaemin, I have no desire to make small talk with you, so please just go away.” 

Mark knows it hurts Jaemin when he watches his smile wane. “Then can we talk seriously? I want to talk about what happened--”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Jaemin. You slept with my boyfriend and went on dates with him  _ knowing _ that we were together. You were supposed to be my best friend but you knowingly fucked my boyfriend, kissed my boyfriend, and  _ dated _ my boyfriend all while we were still dating. I have nothing more to say to you except that you broke my trust and the love I once had for you is no longer there. Now please, leave me alone. I mean it.”

Renjun’s never been one to hold grudges, and he probably wouldn’t have, had Jaemin not known he and Dejun were together at the time, but he did. Jaemin knew very well the state of Renjun’s relationship with the older boy and he went ahead and fucked him anyway. The boy standing at their table looks like he’s just been slapped across the face but Renjun pays no mind to it, deciding that Mark’s hand in his lap is much more interesting than his ex-best friend who’s being tugged back to their seats by his ex-boyfriend. 

Renjun lets out a heavy sigh before picking his head up to smile at his friends gathered around the table. They all look shocked, especially Jaehyun and Jungwoo. _Ma_ _ rk must have forgotten to mention what had happened between the three of them. _ Mark squeezes Renjun’s hand, and Renjun reciprocates before he turns to Yangyang, face scrunched as he tries to be serious. 

“Yangyang, please don’t fuck Mark,” he grunts, biting back a smile. Yangyang just laughs loudly, covering his mouth. 

“ _ Mark? Fucking grody, dude!” _

  
  


** _You’re my best friend, I love you ‘til one of us dies._ **

Mark wakes up slowly with a yawn. First, he grunts softly, twisting his head so his left cheek is squished against the pillow. Then, he opens his bleary eyes and yawns, wiggling his toes. Sunlight streams in through his window, right through the curtain, and he has to squint as he looks around. 

When he’s finally a bit more cognizant, Mark registers the feeling of warmth against his back, accompanied by a soft weight. There are soft puffs of air tickling the crook of his neck and long eyelashes kissing his skin. The now-brown-haired boy chuckles to himself, the sound rumbling within him and vibrating Renjun. The sleeping lump on top of him whines, trying to bury his face further into Mark’s side. 

“Baby, I need to get my glasses on. Can’t see your pretty face if I’m blind.” Mark’s attempt to wake Renjun is fruitless, the boy just pinching Mark’s side to get him to be quiet. “Renjun, seriously. At least let me grab my glasses.”

With an exaggerated groan, Renjun rolls over and away from Mark, letting the elder’s back breathe. Mark just snorts, pushing himself up to reach over Renjun and grab his glasses off of the bedside table. 

_ “I don’t know why you insist on having your bed against the wall. It’s such an inconvenience to me and my 12 hours of sleep,”  _ Renjun had told him once, in the wee hours of the morning right before the sun started to peek its rays over the horizon and out from behind the buildings. 

Mark sits up, leaning against the headboard with his glasses situated on the bridge of his nose. Renjun has decided that Mark’s lap makes a much better pillow and wraps his arms around toned thighs. 

“What do you have to do today?” Renjun mumbles, rubbing his nose against the older boy’s bare thigh. 

Mark thinks for a second, hand carding through Renjun’s silky smooth locks of ebony. “Just gotta write a paper. I can do that later, though. Why?” 

Renjun is up in a second, startling Mark. His hands reach to grip onto a thin waist, steadying the younger atop him and Mark suddenly remembers that night from almost two years ago. He remembers the way Renjun looked at him with wide, dilated pupils and touched him with hands made of feathers. Mark remembers the way the words “ _ I love you _ ” got trapped in the roof of his mouth and how he swallowed them down, lock and key following. 18 months later and he still feels the same about Renjun as he did that night. He’ll probably feel the same for the next 18 days, the next 18 months, and the next 18 years. 

“Want you to make me feel good,” the younger all but purrs, breaking Mark from his thoughts. Renjun punctuates his sentence with a nip and a tug to Mark’s right earlobe and the elder shivers, his spine tingling at how Renjun moves his hands to cup his jaw. “Kiss me.” 

Who is Mark to say no? 

Lips meet, tongues tangle, and Mark can’t help the way he pulls at Renjun’s hips to drag his ass across his lap. 

“I said make  _ me  _ feel good, Mark. Don’t be greedy.” Renjun grasps at Mark’s scalp, tugging. The words are soft, breathy, and panted against the elder’s mouth but they hold so much weight to them that Mark whines, stuttering apologies as he moves to kiss Renjun’s neck. 

Mark’s gentle, and Renjun loves it. He eats it up, the way Mark looks at him like he’s strung the stars in the sky and lives to please him in the bedroom. 

Warm, calloused fingertips move up the expanse of Renjun’s back underneath his-- _ Mark’s-- _ shirt as Mark pulls him closer, tugging at the collar to leave wet kisses wherever he can reach, never forgetting to stop and suckle every once in a while to leave pretty purple and red blossoms on the younger’s skin. 

Renjun lets out a shaky breath and tips his head back when Mark latches onto the hollow of his throat, licking and sucking at the tender skin. Thin fingers tangle in Mark’s hair, pulling. 

Everything seems to move in slow motion as Mark preps Renjun, as they kiss along each other's bodies. Mark can’t help the way his head falls to the younger’s shoulder, hot puffs of air hitting Renjun’s skin. 

It’s a lot more serious than it usually is. Sex between them is usually light and filled with laughs; Mark sometimes knocks his head against the wall and Renjun may fall off the bed. But right now, there is no laughing. No one is falling over and Mark is perfectly positioned over Renjun to make his knees weak. Mark kisses and nips at the black-haired boy’s neck, wanting to leave him covered in constellations of violet and wine. 

The air between them feels hot, Mark’s covered in a sheen of sweat and Renjun is gripping the older boy’s face to kiss him harshly, more teeth than tongue and Mark can’t help how he whimpers almost pathetically. Despite all of it, Mark feels his chest swell, especially when Renjun whines and wraps his legs around the older’s waist, using all of his weight to roll them over. Renjun looks the prettiest when he’s on top of him, Mark thinks. Long, soft fingers reach up to wrap around the elder’s wrists, pinning them to bed. 

“ _ I love you. Fuck, Mark, I love you.”  _ Renjun’s voice is shaky, almost breaking on the end and Mark is so overwhelmed by everything happening. He feels the tears prickling at the corners of his eyes and he struggles against his boyfriend’s hands, needing to feel the warmth of his back under his palms. 

Renjun frees him, and Mark scrabbles to get his hands on the younger’s lithe body, nails digging into soft skin while Mark pulls Renjun down to hide his face in his neck, letting out shuddered gasps. He loves Renjun. He’s loved him for so long and he’s heard the other tell him he loves him hundreds of times but right now, while they’re both tangled in the sheets of Mark’s bed and bathed in the sunlight streaming through shoddy curtains, Renjun’s words hit him harder, in a place that Mark only allows himself to feel 

They rock together for what feels like hours, and it very well might have been. Neither of them seems to be in a rush, they seem like they’re trying to enjoy every single millisecond they can of being tangled up like this with each other. 

Mark’s cheeks are covered with tears and his chest his heaving as Renjun continues to tell him how much he loves him, how much he loves this, how  _ good _ he feels being in love with Mark. It’s only after they’ve both come that Renjun sits up to kiss Mark once more that he notices the tear tracks underneath his thumbs. It pulls at Renjun’s chest. 

“Baby? Are you okay? Are you alright? Why are you crying?” Mark’s eyes are so glazed over, the younger doesn’t even know if Mark can hear him. 

“Love you,” is all he breathes, pretty brown eyes still welling up as he looks at his lover. “Loved you for so long. I love you.”

Renjun can’t help the way his  _ own  _ eyes well up with tears as Mark pulls him back down, not even worried about the drying cum on his stomach as he rolls them over and hides his face in a small but soft shoulder, shoulders shaking with sobs. “Gonna love you forever,” he mumbles, trying to get as close as possible to Renjun as he can. All Renjun can do is card his fingers through Mark’s hair, shushing him and reassuring him that his love is for naught. 

“Oh, sweet boy… My sweet boy, I love you. So, so much.  ** _You’re my best friend and I’m gonna love you ‘til one of us dies._ ** And even then, I’m gonna love you after that.”

**Author's Note:**

> god i hope yall liked this. this fic was a fucking rollercoaster for me emotionally. 
> 
> my twt is @eboywongs if you'd like to come yell at me for this.


End file.
